Scooter talks Fozzie into doing "the telephone pole bit," and Fozzie practices dutifully until he finds out what the bit is: Fozzie dresses up as a public telephone, and Scooter asks what his name is. "Mike Oznowiczki," Fozzie says, and Scooter exclaims, "Oh, so you're the telephone Pole!" … Continue readingPaul Williams

Kermit borrows fifty million dollars worth of gold for Shirley's closing number, "Goldfinger". Security guard Bruno is suspicious that Kermit wants to steal the gold, but keeping an eye on the frog makes him overlook a band of pig thieves, who steal all the gold as Shirley sings. … Continue readingShirley Bassey

Beaker tests Muppet Labs' new copier machine, ultimately falling into it and making seven copies of himself. The multiple Beakers gang up on Bunsen, and the doctor is forced to wear a disguise and hide from his assistants. … Continue readingMac Davis

A messenger brings a message from the scheduled guest star — Benny Brillstein, the Yiddish yodeler. Benny refuses to be on the show, so Kermit asks Chris, the messenger boy, to be the guest. Chris knows a joke, so Kermit introduces him as a comedian. … Continue readingChris Langham

Paul inspires Gonzo to be a songwriter. Unfortunately, Gonzo writes songs like "For You": "For youuu… I'd wash my hair with stinky glue, I'd fry my legs and eat them too, I'd put a spider in my shoe — for yoouuuu!" Paul is stunned. Later, Gonzo's chickens run off with Paul, so Gonzo develops a new obsession — asparagus. But at the end of the episode both the chickens and the asparagus run away when Paul asks for chicken with a side of asparagus. … Continue readingPaul Simon

Thanks to Gonzo's refrigerated mildew collection, the power goes out in the theater, and Beauregard almost electrocutes himself trying to fix it. Half of the acts have to perform in the dark, until Dr. Bunsen Honeydew hooks up a generator that runs on Beaker-power. Beaker runs on a huge wheel to generate power, and when he gets tired, Bunsen helps to motivate him by releasing a hungry tiger onto the wheel. … Continue readingBuddy Rich

There's no show today, almost; the theater is turned into a dance marathon hosted by Gonzo. … Continue readingCarol Burnett

In honor of Johnny Cash's appearance, the show is simulcast over country radio station WHOG, and the radio broadcast threatens to overwhelm the actual show. The head of WHOG, Big Tiny Tall Saddle, insists on making all the decisions. He refuses to let Rowlf go on, and instead schedules Grampaw McGuire and his whistling bricks. Kermit tries to run his own show, but Big Tiny is one of the toughest men alive — when he's annoyed, he has a habit of wrapping microphone stands around people's necks. Fozzie is replaced by Wally Whoopie, a stand-up comedian who makes fun of the bear — which inspires Kermit to stand up for his friend, and his show. … Continue readingJohnny Cash

Robin's Frog Scout troop visits the show, getting in everyone's way backstage. They ask Debbie for help earning their punk merit badges, and she teaches them how to do the pogo. When Gonzo cancels his act, the Frog Scouts get their chance to do a performance of close-order drills. … Continue readingDebbie Harry

In honor of vaudeville-influenced guest star Wally Boag, the Muppets salute vaudeville, with a balloon animal act, a bagpipe player and a hypnotist. Wally performs acts he made famous at the Golden Horseshoe Revue at Disneyland, including the Pecos Bill teeth-spitting sketch. … Continue readingWally Boag